Reflection

As I have entered my...ehem...mid 30's (gulp) I have come to love myself. I mean, yeah I have my fat days and the days I would give my children to the first passerby on the street for a moment of silence, but overall I feel at peace. I think I was blessed to grasp the "live each day fully, because it could end instantly" thing early in my 20's. Starting out in an ICU seeing teens die because of a freak accident, or young moms stroke or hard working dads be declared brain dead was a cold bucket of reality that life is fragile, and it is not something "out there waiting to happen," but it is now, today. Its the ins and outs and struggles and joys of everyday. I think I got that a while ago. What I don't think I realized would happen, as I got older, is that I would get better. What I mean is I know I am physically and mentally stronger now, than in my mid- twenties. Lighter? No, stronger? yes! (Can't have everything, I guess!) I have learned to never say never. It will come back to bite you in the ass, just to prove you wrong! I have learned to just let go, to roll with life and to truely believe I am not in control of this crazy journey. If someone would have told me on my wedding day, "You are going to move 10 times in 9 years, live in the middle of the ocean, lose a parent, have two kids (but not until you are 30), fall in love with an artform involving a big hot torch, give up your nursing career, feel like a single parent due to the demands of medical school and residency, run a couple 1/2 marathons, and end up back where you took your vows," I think my answer would have been a big fat "Hell NO!" But it has all happened. It has not been easy, but it has all been worth it. I joke that I stopped planning about 7 years ago, back when we took a leap of faith to an island called Saba. A dot in the middle of the Caribbean Ocean. Since then, since believing God has a plan for me, life has been one heck of a wild ride, and I am not looking to get off of it any time soon!